Shoes and Movies and Mothers




I just bought shoes with little roses all over them that make me think of Marie Antoinette. I went on a google image search to see what Marie Antoinette's shoes actually looked like, to no avail. Lots of images from the movie "Marie Antoinette" however. I did not want to see that movie, although I love Sofia Coppola. "Lost in Translation" is one of my favorite films. Kirsten Dunst parading around in towering wigs and sumptuous dresses didn't seem enough of a reason to see Marie Antoinette (although the reviews I read may have been wrong...maybe there was some substance to the movie.) I don't think Dunst is much of an actress. I also saw Running with Scissors a couple of weeks back. That was excellent although it made me wonder if perhaps I was like Annette Benning in the movie, poet wannabe mom delusional over her talent. At least I haven't given my kids away yet! Speaking of poet moms, I did the KGB reading last night and it was wonderful. Lots of good poems, music and children and babies too. One poet recited a beautiful poem from memory with her new born up against one shoulder. A poet named Lisa Fox read a poem called "The Weight" that was about the weight of wifedom/motherhood/depression. It made me want to hug her, which meant it was good. After the reading, Jr. and Troy and I ate at Cucina Di Pesce next door to KGB. The last time I ate there was in the 80's with Joyce and Russ and my serial cheater then-boyfriend Wade. Joyce showed me how to eat artichoke leaves and we all got very drunk on red wine. I am visiting Joyce's mother today to try and get her friend Barbara to take Lady. Tonight Russ, Jr., Troy and I are doing a bad movie night field trip to see 28 Weeks Later. As this movie is supposed to be good I suppose we can say we are doing a comparison study field trip. Everything is a circle, isn't it. Kate just came home and told me my new shoes look like seaweed. And Jack told me his father sang a song about a sea captain last night at a coffee house, in a pirate's voice. Exit laughing.

Little Girl, My String Bean, My Lovely Woman

My daughter, at eleven
(almost twelve), is like a garden.

Oh, darling! Born in that sweet birthday suit
and having owned it and known it for so long,
now you must watch high noon enter -
noon, that ghost hour.
Oh, funny little girl – this one under a blueberry sky,
this one! How can I say that I've known
just what you know and just where you are?

It's not a strange place, this odd home
where your face sits in my hand
so full of distance,
so full of its immediate fever.
The summer has seized you,
as when, last month in Amalfi, I saw
lemons as large as your desk-side globe -
that miniature map of the world -
and I could mention, too,
the market stalls of mushrooms
and garlic buds all engorged.
Or I think even of the orchard next door,
where the berries are done
and the apples are beginning to swell.
And once, with our first backyard,
I remember I planted an acre of yellow beans
we couldn't eat.

Oh, little girl,
my stringbean,
how do you grow?
You grow this way.
You are too many to eat.

I hear
as in a dream
the conversation of the old wives
speaking of womanhood.
I remember that I heard nothing myself.
I was alone.
I waited like a target.

Let high noon enter –
the hour of the ghosts.
Once the Romans believed
that noon was the ghost hour,
and I can believe it, too,
under that startling sun,
and someday they will come to you,
someday, men bare to the waist, young Romans
at noon where they belong,
with ladders and hammers
while no one sleeps.

But before they enter
I will have said,
Your bones are lovely,
and before their strange hands
there was always this hand that formed.

Oh, darling, let your body in,
let it tie you in,
in comfort.
What I want to say, Linda,
is that women are born twice.

If I could have watched you grow
as a magical mother might,
if I could have seen through my magical transparent belly,
there would have been such a ripening within:
your embryo,
the seed taking on its own,
life clapping the bedpost,
bones from the pond,
thumbs and two mysterious eyes,
the awfully human head,
the heart jumping like a puppy,
the important lungs,
the becoming -
while it becomes!
as it does now,
a world of its own,
a delicate place.

I say hello
to such shakes and knockings and high jinks,
such music, such sprouts,
such dancing-mad-bears of music,
such necessary sugar,
such goings-on!

Oh, little girl,
my stringbean,
how do you grow?
You grow this way.
You are too many to eat.

What I want to say, Linda,
is that there is nothing in your body that lies.
All that is new is telling the truth.
I'm here, that somebody else,
an old tree in the background.

Darling,
stand still at your door,
sure of yourself, a white stone, a good stone -
as exceptional as laughter
you will strike fire,
that new thing!

Anne Sexton