Family Court and Epiphany

Did nothing but lay on the couch and watch TV last night. Kids with their freak father. Switched schizophrenically between Napoleon Dynamite and Bridget Jones Diary. This has been a grind-me-into-the-ground kind of week. Family court on Thursday was Chrissy's lucky day. Two words to describe the hearing: absolution and reduction. At the expense of my children. Back to work after the hearing where I reviewed case files like a machine all afternoon. Cried all the way home in the car swearing and cursing and assuring god that I was all done and could not live this life I'd created for myself (images of washing down the contents of my valium bottle with cold milk danced in my head). The maniac of Vets Highway. Exhausted and cried out by the time I got home. Locked myself in computer room and sent out resumes like a machine. Death is not an option and I will make things better for us.


Coming Up For Air

The dive down is done.
My face breaks
The greeny surface
Into the sun;
Sweet, sweet
Surprise.
The mile long murk
Under the sea
No longer filters
My blue ether.
Up here I swear
I’m free of the deep.
It is not lapping
At my bleached heels;
Not whispering
The valentine promise
Of no place left
To fall.

M.J. Tenerelli